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The Hate Within

Some people think fear is the enemy of all good things, but I think hate is the real enemy. We can be afraid and still move forward. That is what courage is all about. Also, there are good times to be afraid, like if you encounter overwhelming odds or something life threatening. It’s important that we remember fear has its uses, and as long as we can move forward with it, it benefits us.

Hate is that moment when we reject something and turn it into our enemy. This can be useful as well, such as when someone else violates us. It is better to fight back and protect ourselves from bullies and tyrants than to accept what they do. Whenever we are betrayed we can reject a person or how they turned on us. We might even hate ourselves at times, remembering when we did something we feel ashamed of and thinking how bad it is we did that thing.

Is Hate Ever A Good Thing?

People may say hate is never a good thing, and I nearly agree. When we hate something, we reject it and sometimes seek to destroy it through violence. It is useful to think that any form of action fueled by hate is violence, or a forceful action meant to stop, diminish or eliminate something else. At the very least, we abandon the things we hate as a form of rejection. This is where I disagree with hate always being a bad thing. If we can use our hate to stop, diminish or eliminate other hate in a thoughtful and effective manner, then I think that is when it is good. It is when we meet hate with hate that it can be useful. It is the only time when two negative things become positive again.

We have to more fully understand where hate and rejection come from in order to know what to accept and why. There are realities about life that will not change no matter how much we want to fight them. When we hate these unavoidable realities, we do ourselves and others a disservice. We try to outwit reality and often make things worse as a result. If we can see reality for what it is and accept it, then we can address how we feel in other ways and do what we can to ease any sore or uncomfortable feelings.

Accepting Unrewarded Effort

There are times when things just don’t work out. We invest our resources, be they time, work or money, into a project or idea and it seems things just don’t go anywhere. This is part of life sometimes. It sometimes means we have more to learn. It sometimes means we don’t have enough to handle the situation at hand perhaps needing more resources. It may mean that there is some risk in what we want to accomplish, and that risk requires that some things beyond our control have to happen. In these times, we have to accept that our success relies on fate, or essentially whatever is beyond our ability to ensure. If it doesn’t work out, then that is just the reality.

Accepting Limited Knowledge

There are times we have to accept that we don’t have answers. We may encounter many problems when we aren’t sure what to do. It may be a simple as not knowing what to choose among many unfamiliar choices, or it may be that we encounter new situations so foreign we have no idea what to do at all. As we grow from childhood to adulthood, it’s easy to think that we may be able to handle any situation that arises. However, this usually means we simply build a world around us that is familiar and controllable. We then project our familiar assumptions about the world onto the foreign things we encounter and in this sense, hate that vulnerable state of not knowing. When we accept the fact that we will always have limited knowledge and that there may be new experiences out there from which we can learn, then we have the ability to expand our world into a much larger life and expand the reality we experience.

Accepting Limited Appreciation

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, there are people who just can’t appreciate what we do or what we have to offer. That is not about us. That is about them. It is one of things don Miguel Ruiz talks about in his best selling book “The Four Agreements.” As much as we want to be appreciated when we do something, there are people who aren’t going to appreciate our efforts, and that’s okay. It is up to us to appreciate our own efforts and love ourselves no matter what other people think. This is easier said than done at times, but even when we fail, we must love ourselves for trying and accept the reality that different people appreciate different experiences in life.

The Four Agreements – read more on the Toltec Spirit site

Handling Hate

Look within yourself and think about the things you reject, or hate. Why do you reject them? Is it about the people or the behavior? Are you open to seeing things change? I can speak from experience that this can be difficult. I find it easier to ignore rumors about someone I haven’t met yet than to forgive someone who hurt me directly or who was otherwise difficult with me. However, it helps to look at these personal experiences, so we can understand what hate is and how it drives not only us but others as well. If ever I need to forgive these people, I just need to be frank with myself and perhaps them about why I resist letting them back into my life. If the only hate I keep is to abandon any potential relationship, then I think that is the least amount of harm that can come of it. Perhaps, I will learn they have changed through what others have to say, and they will help me change my mind.

If you ever want to help get someone to cooperate, find out what they hate and why. Show understanding for why they hate, but guide them toward acceptance. If they continue to reject and hate, then perhaps there is nothing to do but walk away with hope they will change at a later time. The ultimate reality is that if you hate too much, then you live in a world of hate delivered back to you. For all the rejection you deliver, you likely destroy any hope of getting answers or help if you live hatefully.