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Being Embodied (Meditation)

I practiced my “it’s all connected” technique the next day and managed to increase the amount of time I stayed in open focus. As I did that, I felt a new sensation. A tingle came over my body: in my arms, in my back, up my neck, down my thighs. I realized I had rejected my body in a way and that I need to accept my body. In other words, I’d been resisting being here as a physical being and had been trying to escape my body mentally for years.

Never really seeing myself

I used to project other people in my head and use their voice to represent parts of me. It could be anyone I saw on TV, in a movie or in my everyday world. Whatever impression I had of them, I used as a kind of inner personality to help me mentally process some of my thoughts. Now, I have my own voice and can speak for myself. I can see myself if ever I need to picture a situation I might experience. I can hear myself when I imagine what I might say to someone else.

Affirming I was present

I also noticed that as these thoughts came up, I kept returning to meditation with thoughts like “I am doing it here and now”, meaning that whatever I was feeling was happening to me in the moment and not as some projected thought about the future. I have spent so much time wondering what will happen or thinking about both exciting and frightening times in my past. At that moment, I affirmed I was present.

I also noticed some odd areas where energy felt different, and I don’t know why. Perhaps, there was no energy to release in those parts of my body. Maybe I will understand it more as I continue to meditate.

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